My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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