So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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