he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
