wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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