I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
