Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
