the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
