I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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