Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
