Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
