I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
