I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
