Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
