Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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