He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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