I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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