never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
