I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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