apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
