My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
