just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
