I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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