somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
