Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
