Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
