i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have tasted many bathrooms
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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