covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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