I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
