I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
