Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
