Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
