literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I forget how to act sober
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize