I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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