I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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