just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
