Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
