as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
