i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
