:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
