took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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