Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
