Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
