OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize