I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
