What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
