it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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