Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
