I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
