I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
