**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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