these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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