So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize