It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
