I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
