the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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