I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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