Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
