I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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