I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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