so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
