It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
