just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
