he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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