To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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