for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
