Will you blow on my dice?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
