haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
