I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
