Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
