Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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