Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize