dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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