He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
