At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woke up backwards on a recliner
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
