i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
