That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
