Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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