first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
