I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
