I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
