take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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