I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
