Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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