True but thats because hes a fetus.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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