getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
