And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
