In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize