I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just had sex bonerless
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Randomize
