dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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