Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
