who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize