I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
