I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
